Helices

by Jenny Katz

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Bleed with me, baby though I’m frightened by it I’ve been aching to finally break in two won’t you help me try it Bleed with me, baby Come and spill your need Let the openness of our brokenness finally set us free Come and bleed with me and I don’t need you to promise that you’ll stay forevermore or even love me I just want to find someone who is not afraid to feel or, better, who’s afraid and feels anyway — Bleed with me baby let’s not turn away what if there could be pleasure in letting the pain finally have its say Bleed with me, baby Let’s not stop it now We can pull off the bandage, examine the damage, and let it spill out I don’t really believe in a past life but some of these scars seem too ancient to be only mine at the same time, I'm bruised like I got beaten up just yesterday I’m not healing I’m lying in a pool of my feelings come on and bleed with me Bleed with me, baby though I’m frightened by it I’ve been aching to finally break in two with you here, I think I can try it Bleed with me, baby Come and spill your need May the openness of our brokenness be how both of us finally get free Come on and bleed yeah bleed with me
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Staying with the trouble I'm staying with the trouble Staying with my grief Even though I feel like running And I'm staying with these feelings that are touching me with their fingertips Staying with the trouble I'm staying here with you
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My friend’s dog died My kids moved town I don’t have a truck, but I bet it’d break down I’d like to have sex but my hip got hurt I’d look on the bright side but my eyes don’t work Times I wish I would rather be dead If I had a hammer you could hit me on the head Singing like crap and my best friend’s crying We can’t go on but we gotta keep trying Welcome to your shitty day Maybe it’s another shitty day I’m sorry for your shitty day If it helps, I’m thinking of you You are not alone in this painful place I am holding you so close in my heart I know you wish you didn’t feel this way But we can sing the music of the broken parts, hey My husband’s sick, gassed in a war Hope had feathers and it flew into a glass door It’s tough, we’re on a weird diet I can’t shuffle cards cause he needs the house quiet His brain got broke so it don’t work straight He thinks I’m a jerk when in fact I’m great Complaining’s not fair and blaming’s not true But I gotta tell someone so I’m gonna tell you Welcome to your shitty day Maybe it’s another shitty day I’m sorry for your shitty day If it helps, I’m thinking of you You are not alone in this painful place I am holding you so close in my heart I know you wish you didn’t feel this way But we can sing the music of the broken parts, hey Welcome to your shitty day You know I love you
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I have a friend who rises early in the dark to build himself a daily fire He lays the wood in pattern and he gently lights a spark and wood and spark are beautiful but it’s gentleness that makes it art He started in the springtime as a vigil and I guess you’d say it’s still a vigil now He still does not know just what he’s doing But he’s starting to know how He says Won’t you come and join me in the darkness let your grief and worry burn away cause every face in firelight is beautiful and every heart is eased before the flames [intro] o-oh o-oh o-oh o-oh That same friend has been recording in the car The car’s a pretty good place to sing He calls it “Silly Songs With Dale,” cause, frankly, it’s embarrassing and though it’s often beautiful it’s joy that really makes it ring He says he’s undergoing liberation and I have to say I’m feeling freer too I still don’t have a clue what I’m doing but I’m doing it with you He says Won’t you come and join me in the darkness let your grief and worry burn away cause every face in firelight is beautiful and every heart is eased before the flames o-oh o-oh o-oh o-oh o-oh o-oh
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Evidence Beautiful evidence Such beautiful evidence — of what I’m not sure, but that’s what I believe in Evidence Beautiful evidence Such beautiful evidence I study all the ways you move I’m ready to discover more My thesis requires closer observation “Scientific" is the word for or “religious" maybe says more but regardless, in you reposes all the most beautiful evidence Beautiful evidence Such beautiful evidence — of what I’m not sure, but that’s what I believe in Evidence Beautiful evidence Such beautiful evidence I read you like a holy book You feed me like beauty does I need you like I need the oxygen I’m breathing You are the textbook example You’re the perfect sample I’d better gather more of your Exhibit A: your smile Exhibit B: your face Exhibit C: the feel of your skin on mine Figure 1: my heartbeat Appendix 2: the way you sing In this article I will detail evidence Beautiful evidence Such beautiful evidence — of what I’m not sure, but that’s what I believe in Evidence Beautiful evidence Such beautiful evidence evidence Beautiful evidence Such beautiful evidence — of what I’m not sure, but that’s what I believe in Evidence Beautiful evidence Such beautiful evidence
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We are all amateurs here Trying to play a professional human Trying to act like we know what we’re doing, Trying to build something to carry us from A to B I’ve got some mismatched wheels and that guy’s got a ski living in these bodies that hurt and are afraid loving other bodies through all the mess we wake we’re stronger than we think and braver than we know and together is the only way that this contraption gets to go Well the problem with society is the people And the problem with people seems to be our brain Spinning stories of bitter separation that you and me and the guy with the ski are not the same living in these bodies with all their awkward fluids loving other bodies which we cannot stop doing we’re braver than we think and freer than we know and together is the only way this whole contraption gets to go
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The body and the story of the body Let the moon shine off your shoulder Let your belly fill out Let your arms be inked with flowers Let yourself not need to know the notes before you sing out Let your voice be yours and ours We are come to sing the praises of the skin that keeps us in and the guts that tell us who to trust, if we listen The body knows that it’s the same thing as the soul holy organs, sacred bones Tell the body the story of the body It was flowers who invented love Is the ability to laugh at pain a sign of having moved through the pain? A visual vibration response We are at stake to each other, sporing partners, bound together Melodious Thunk Line and color and line and color and line and color and line What if nothing needed knowing What if that was how we lived What if truth is improvised What if beauty is the only explanation I can give Just like now is the only time Let us rise to give our thanks to the hysterics and the hags Who had wings tattooed across their backs and flew away The body knows that it’s the only real home where we come from, where we’re going The body and the story of the body The body don’t need The body don’t need no The body don’t need no words The body don’t need no The body don’t need no words
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Redo (M8) 02:57
What would we do with a redo? Would it be fun to undo our lives? Where would we go and who’d we be this time? Prolly a lot of things that we’d like to have changed Problem is making sure the good things remain Cause what if they’re woven like two strands of the same DNA? Is there a line that you'd choose to undraw if every line after that would get wiped off the wall I’m not sure I could do that — this life may be trouble but it’s mine Of course I would like to ease some of the pain I admit it’s been a shitshow, all of it though has made us who we are — and that’s not nothing; we’ve made it pretty far, you and me We say “If only” “I wish I would’ve” “It could’ve been so much more” Get a brand new lover, but you’ve got the same old needs Plant a big new garden, you’ll be pulling out the same old weeds Would a redo really please us? Would it feel like a better life? Or are humans made to always see it greener on the other side? I'm sure there's a lot of things that you'd like to have changed Problem is making sure the good things remain Cause I think they’re woven like two strands of DNA We say “If only” “I wish I would’ve” “It could’ve been so much more” Dissatisfaction is a feature, not a bug But, look, I get to love you — so I ain't messing with this timeline, thank you very much Just gonna sit right here We don't need to do a redo Let’s just be here and live our lives together
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If you put a cork in it, will the bubbles fade? If you stick a fork in it, are you sure it's made to seem real, to dig deep and to feel, my heart made up. A fairy tale with a different ending, mending, Shattering the ceiling of my mind's pretending. Dip a toe in, there's nothing lurking. Working toward a different you. Youth ain't wasted on the young, it's mine for the taking... or giving... Let the tidal flow reach deeper into living. The unspoken, yet begun; but we still keep looking ever forward for our Truth, Searching for a different sun, a better mess. The ocean breathes, the body knows, and turns the planet. Focus on the present, and put that futuristic shit to rest.
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credits

released December 12, 2022

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Jenny Katz Northampton, Massachusetts

Whatever happens, there will always be music.

Like interviews? Listen to the Composer Quest interview (Episode 34, "Physical Songwriting with Jenny Katz" or Tour 4, "Songwriting in New England") at www.charliemccarron.com/composer-quest/#episodes ... more

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